I haven’t written a log in quite some time. I’ve been struggling to get rid of stress and anxiety throughout the day. I’m anxious about getting a place in Oxford. It just seems it’ll never happen.
Money causes me anxiety too. Obviously because I don’t really have any but also on some visceral, irrational level. Reading ‘the dispossessed’ where money is an unknown concept has me thinking of why we do things anyways. Fundamentally, maybe we like having a ‘master’ (in this case money) to guide or decisions, to ease our anxiety. I feel I can relate to this viewpoint. I feel the most content when there is no ambiguity in my dad.
I’ve been trying to do the PGM’s coursera course as well. I feel capable to do it but its been hard to focus.
Are priests, judges, institutions telling us what to do external manifestations of our own consciousness? In our secularized world. What was once externally enforced upon us is now internally forced upon us. At least when its externalized we can rebel against it.
Life is a fight, and the strongest wins. All civilization does is hide the blood and cover up the hate with pretty words!