13/03/23 14:12:05
@daily
I think some of the reason I don’t want to talk is because I know what I’m going to complain about isn’t justified so I’d rather just keep it to myself.
Like, why me? I take of myself and my body try and become a better person etc. etc. like, how many times has that been the case? It just doesn’t make me feel better to say that to someone else and have them interpret that as how I feel all the time. I was just trying to do the right things and got fucked for it. What help is it to start that narrative? As the meek soul the world is oppressing? Yes, I’m trying my best, but no that doesn’t seem to imply I deserve anything. There’s no fairness to anything. What of it.
I also don’t feel people understand, which is also not true but I just don’t care. I’d rather just talk this through with myself than have other people think it’s a them problem or something because that would just annoy me. I’d feel generally misrepresented.
I also hate the notion that I’m delicate and persevering. I don’t know it’s just annoying, once again, unfair thought. The painful thought is always that it’s a purely individual struggle. The world doesn’t care. A freeing thought in some aspect and then painful in others.